Photographic Memory

11:10pm. I can't decide between the alphabets on my laptop or the old fashioned pen and 'rough' note book, like we used to have in school. I had, just a few hours ago almost exhausted my IBM's battery, playing some games (with levels less than a 5th grader, a la Paanchvi Paas!) and I have this itch to switch-on this thing I have for a laptop! Reason: One chance glance at a single, old photo album brought back memories...and now that I have a blog to pour out, I simply HAVE TO!

"Keep updating yourself", is a mandate I have learnt & I practice. Hence, sometimes I'm guilty of updating too much that I forget names/faces from my past, that I most certainly have no business to go B L A N K on. But as they say, it happens. Some of these photos seem like they belong to someone I knew loooong ago! This someone is/was (Im confused!) ME. I wonder why I've kept pictures of those who are no longer part of my active life, of say atleast the last 6yrs?!

JUST that little a time has gone by and I'm already talking in past tense of faces I hardly see, people I no longer connect with, memories that have somewhere faded away, save for this one photo-album that's staring at me. Childhood snaps, with that of my very pretty sister and a surely sulking me occupy this album for most. I'm either melancholic in them or I'm dancing (posing, as if, that is). The advantages to keep such albums are a few:

1) Younger people pass off for my now 68 & 60, Dad & Mom.

2) If ever I need to design costumes for an 80s flick I will never run out of reference.

For in here,amidst all the various shots, is a set of snaps of me in different attires - (clicked by my dad's good friend, who must have visited us then and I would've bugged him royally to indulge my dream of becoming an actress and he made the mistake of saying YES to a precocious girl).

Mysore sandal talc passed off as pancake; our breadthwise small and lengthwise big Mylapore terrace was the location; the light was closer to 4:30ish in the afternoon, (if I remember right it was also drizzling-wow!) and the camera from Kuwait (Thank you Vichu uncle!) started to roll. Out came the Kanchivaram pattu pavadai/half saree, Chellarams striped skirt 'n' blouse, London Stores Jeans & Tops, our very own talior stitched brown Paddle Pushers (yes, three fourths were called thus those days! sigh!) and the homely churidar-kurta. Among this queen's wardrobe (!) was this green, velvet, knee length skirt & silk, white blouse with matching green buttons...! I must have been all of, say 12 when these photos came to life; and there I was posing like a Silk Smitha, I'm sure I must have hummed Neathu Rathiri Yamma, as I twirled, put my hands on my 'nowhere to be found' hips, and gave one 'left look' pose with my uneven, curly, hair all loosened out!

I mean just HOW did these adults manage a kid called ME?! Gosh, I feel like giving one tight slap to this brat in the photo...all starry eyed and doing those 'dance with a pot on your head' steps! For whose joy were these pictures taken? What in the world was I thinking? (DISCLAIMER: The Silk Smitha reference is given only for the expression, the meaning for the song and the 'mood' I came to know much, much later only!)

I remember being a crying bully, who would refuse to take NO for an answer. I also remember me being glued to 'Olliyum Oliyum' (meaning Sight & Sound) on DD, that came every Friday, with it's weekly film songs! Each photograph of mine can be likened to a famous song of those times. The classical pavadai one was a definite Vaanpole Vannam kondu from Salangai Oli; the Paddle Pushers & Jeans were Namma Ooru Singari from Ninaithale Inikkum; the velvet skirt was...God,never mind, we've gone through it once already...and the list goes on!

I also spotted my first love hidden amidst our 'summer holidays with daddy's friends & their families' set of pics. I must've been 9yrs old I think. He must've been 14. From the Mysore Palace pictures (I'm seen sulking even then) taken as this big, tourist group, flashed back many a memory of such holidays to Ooty, Kodai, Bangalore, Yercaud, Cunnoor...hmmm! The pictures move on to show me as this 17yr old to his 21yrs. This one was taken in one of the parties in Boat Club. My skin tone salwar matched his cream shirt. I recall that night.

T'was when I heard the phrase 'the night is always young' for the first time. And it surely was. His words reassuring me of my 'special-ness', moments that were endearing, yes, but I was like a Tamil film heroine then, shying away from anything called intimacy but always ready to sing a duet anytime...! Almost the same year I attended his engagement. An abrupt end to a childhood fairy tale, where the prince & princess didnt live happily ever after! When my mom told me the 'good news' I was having my morning shower. My tears washed my face that day.

To suffer a heartbreak when you are 17 is not unique. I know. But, when marrying this one guy was your life's best ambition then, well...it was quite a blow. If you had asked me what my dream was when I gave my 10 std exams, I would've simply grinned and told you it was to get married and settle down with my HIM. But something came out of that pain. The moment that dream got squashed, the one that always occupied my everyday life became clearer.

Movies. To get there, I needed to get into media. To get there, I had to become a writer. And I wanted to be in Tamil Movies, hence Tamil media, hence Tamil writing! But I didnt know to read or write Tamil, thanks to my double centum in Sanskrit. So that is how my adult life began...from learning Tamil on the job, when I was working as a Reporter for a Tamil magazine in 1994! I do a speed race from then and arrive in 2008 now.

Well....my journey's mostly laced with my own refusal to learn how best to lead life the easy way. Difficult is me. Or is it really so? That's my perspective; how I see myself and my life. Ask anyone who has been part of this travel with me and maybe they will have a different story to tell. But since this is my life and youre reading my take on it in my blog - hey, this is MY story! One that has me in my green, velvet skirt and one that also has a tale of having loved and lost.

"So what did I do thereafter?" You're asking about my subsequent love affairs, right? 'Coz it has been a decade and more since the first falling in love happened...I understand.

Umm...Can we talk about it soon...maybe in another half past 11pm session? ;-)
Good night.