Having something to do or having nothing to do? Which is better? Something or nothing? From nothing came something first, right? We know it by the name Big Bang...! How many times has time stood still and days remained similar to one another till that one phone call or one sms or one chance meeting changed the very pattern of our lives?! I turn around (I dont like the phrase 'looking back') to check out where my 'something' came from....hmmmmmm!
As the tortoise coil circles around and takes me on a flashback mode, Im assailed by my current nothing-ness too. The last 2 months have been just quiet. Its one of those phases in life when 'every call you make, every meeting you fix' is met with silence. That is, every something you do is met with a NO-thing! And just as any normal soul would, even I wondered why? The days were as still as the night. The nights seemed lonelier and longer. Books took more time to finish, blogs took l o n g e r to type. As for movies, suddenly the theatres were running out of current hot picks and youre left with just the oldies to go back to! Im in the center of the universe that seemed to just recede....till there was nothing left to hold onto, save a vast expanse of space. The louder I screamed, the longer it echoed. The tears seemed to fill imaginary buckets and the heart felt the burden of my 140/110 BP.
Is there nothing that will happen for me? Or was there something that I could do? Yup! I could change my Attitude - to stop revelling in this mode like the way we did in para2 - to stop eulogising suffering & waiting, to stop glorifying this "why me" sensation that in a way is a reflection of my ego. I mean "why not me". Who is this me that I require so much attention from the universe? Why should the entire system turn around and conspire things to fall in place just for ME..! What kind of narcissistic nonsense is this??!! Still.......this nothingness can change into something only if we value this thing called SELF. Only when you realise that youre better off doing something than nothing., but also realise that the something comes with a price tag, with working hours thats gonna bend your back and stiffen it up alright. Nothing in life comes easy. Didnt you know this when you gave your maths exam in classVI? Or when your first hope of true love came crashing down the college stairway? Or when you were unceremoniously fired from your first job? What came easy then for it to sway into our lives like a breeze now?
Im asking all these questions to myself. Learnings from my very own life and not some bio-pic of a filmstar or business magnate. The nothingness of it all, always paves the way for something - only if we let it. And only we have the power to shape that something into something good or something awful. The choice is with and within us.
This post is a self-read. Those who find it sermonising or admonishing please feel free to feel so. I find it as something that I can fall back on in future too! By the way, something good seems like happening from my nothing-ness. It just came to me NOW as I hit the publish post button!
2 comments:
Life is all about them phases. Sometimes, you are down and then you look deep down inside yourself and think 'Eeks, well life HAS been kind to me so why am I not bouncing around all the time, full of energy and cheer?' And then you realise that you KNEW it all the time, but just not upto the bouncing. Guess what is needed is PERSPECTIVE. Me thinks one must spend at least ten full minutes everyday with oneself jusst to introspect and put things in perspective...Am I (reasonably)healthy? Are my loved ones OK? Can I eat and drink and sleep when / where / how I want? If the answers are yes, you've got it MADE baby...and then we are back to 'it's JUST a phase' routine. If this sounds like a lecture, so be it...but it is also aimed at myself, lemme tell you.
Ok, now, so what came to you as you hit the 'publish' button?
Thot that was a good way to finish the post ;-)
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