It's not Boring Biology - It's Quirk...!

HAhaHAahhaaaHAa...
Keeekeeeeiiiiii Hooooohoho hoHOho ...
Wooooohoooooo.... Hahahaaa hahaa hahahahaaaa...

Yes. That was me laughing, at regular intervals in the wee hours of midnight reading on the birds & the bees (of actually every species on this planet!) by a self admitted non-PH.D (like Aristotle, so he says ahem!) biologist Joe Quirk (please click on his picture if you wanna read on his trivia).

It's Not You. It's Biology - is the single most wonderful piece of info-tainment that has possessed my senses in recent times. Read it. You will actually be tempted to read some paragraphs aloud (Including the Preface & Epilogue; And the author's Useless Index & No payment but Acknowledgment page/s). Hmmm...where was Mr. Quirk all this while. He talks with so much wit. Yup, his writing sounds like he's talking to us, alright. His website says he also writes copy (read poetry) for some niche brands, which is not surprising at all.

Believe me fellas when I say that post a reading of this book, you would wish you had him as your Biology (more Zoology) teacher than anyone you've ever known. Because he calls a sperm a sperm and an egg (well, obviously) an egg! And he also deduces at the end of his book that all organisms were in the beginning...hold your breath all ye faithfuls....F E M A L E.

Yes. You read that right. Which is why both men and women have traits from both genders. Which is why a normal single gender brain will have female flairs like color sense, endurance, better parenting skills, cognitive skills etc. If this is the end, the beginning is also equally interesting. Quirk writes that the reason for the male species to evolve into the men we know them to be now...is thanks to the Female Preference or as he puts it the Female Sexual Choice. The more nesting/preserving skills the male possessed the more he becomes attractive to the steady and stoic female. Females chose males who could protect no sooner than procreate. Hence power, social status and ability to keep her and her baby from outside harm becomes the single most wanted quality in a man. The womb is the center of all co-habitation in hominid (this is again a Quirk choice of word to describe us as against the familiar Homo Sapiens) pair-bonds (read male-female unions). And the only reason or rationale that has crept in thanks to the recent addition to the hominid brain is the neocortex (which is our head) to the constantly erupting, emotion rich hypothalamus (which is our heart). So next time you think it's your heart or head talking, listen well - it's all your brain, idiot! And what is the reason behind the hominid pair-bonding - it is LOVE.

To begin with sex and end with love is itself entertaining. Did you know that you & I share more of our traits with no, not apes but marine animals, predominantly the dolphins? Well, we got it right this time, if not in our 9th standard! Mr. Quirk's narrative is in your face. With no apologies. He almost sounds like how Robert Downey Junior does in most of his films, or as Quirk himself says in the chapter on Free Love Causes War, a la Jim Carrey in Dumb & Dumber. My most favorite line from the book is this one on adulterous copulation (We are all grown ups aren't we? So stop the hush-hushing & let's get on with it!), is when Quirk (how I just love to call him that!) talks of a research on adultery among birds...

...Among red-wing blackbirds cultures that are morally upright, 6% of the female copulation are adulterous, and 23% of nestlings are born from adulterous matings. Even red-wing blackbird females whose husbands have vasectomies are managing miraculous conceptions! (I want to meet the graduate student who gives a bird a vasectomy. For this, his mother sent him to college?)

Wait.There are lots more of such Quirk-isms in paranthesis that's guaranteed to throw you off your bed if you dont hold onto the sides, tight. Pick up any chapter at random and you will find the author's tongue firmly in cheek, so much so we will end up biting ours if we dont let out the loud laughter, no matter how badly you may want your neighbor to snore on...!

To Men on Wooing ... in Chapter 31 (Ok. I'd rather have you read the chapter titles like a Bible, Thank You for making me a Believer Mr. Quirk!)

... forget your butts and guts. I'll tell you what really gets you laid: Bullshit. If you can't talk up a storm, you'll die celibate. Here's my scientific proof. You know about 60,000 words. You only use 4,000 of them regularly. The other 56,000 account for 2% of your speaking. Pick a word from that extra 56,000. You use it about once every million words you speak. A million words is about 20 times the no: of words in this book. To function socially in this world, you will need fewer than 1000 words. Out of your bloated vocabulary of 60,000 words, 100 words accounts for 60% of your conversation. Then why did you memorize 60,000 words? You big show off! Whom are you trying to impress? Mates. Guys, I don't care if it does work for the gibbon, yelling 'woo' when you see a rump wont get you sex. We need wit to woo. Our peacock tails are human tales.

Ya, Ya. Don't forget to recall who told ya Quirk is so and so...in between your peals of laughter!

The reason why men and women are different, why men are afraid of commitment, why women want love first sex next (and men of course want it the other way), why men cheat and women nurture, why men became who they are, and women have a big role in shaping them thus - all these genetic theories, data, deductions, biological terms and understandings with cross species examples and cultural references from the history of human civilisation till date, with every single line or chapter or word that spells entertainment and wit, I take a moment to catch my breath - WOW...!

My favorite chapter is Why We Bitch? No. I wont tell you why. You read and tell me if you agree.

{For more on Mr. Quirk log on to www.joequirk.com or get your own copy of this book. I believe only in borrowing or buying books - not in returning or lending them.}