Very Merry...!

It's Christmas. It's December. Both favorite aspects of my life. Somehow for all the lethargy of this year, the month seems to whiz(zzzz..) past by! 

Joy of Giving - sharing, all things nice and wonderful with all creatures great and small... I know, I know I'm being my cynical self, and I do know it's not so bad after all. (Just back from playing ChrisMa/Pa-Chrischild at office!)

The Holidays' as even we Indians now call it, is no longer the exclusive window of cheer meant only for the westerners! In Chennai, one can see the red, white and green (with a generous dose of cotton, white fabric or glitter for snow) and 'feel' transported to Santa's North Pole Village! Hark..! Can you hear the angels sing..?

Meanwhile, my mobile cracks up and acts funny now - like my year. Too many things to fix up. Gosh, the coming year's gonna be one of plain fixing up. People. Work. Home. Most important of 'em all, my mobile phone.

Finally, I was able to set up my Christmas corner - with all new dolls and just the trees and trinkets from the past. Mom just gave away my old ones - can't find them around she says. Swallowed that along with a tall glass of cold water.

A friend just refused to step out to take his Christmas gift from me. This whole year saw me see-saw-ing with people. Hmmm. All shades of grey - didnt have much to call for color. Sigh!

But the ones that stood by me - oh, how can I merely thank them for being around even when I could'nt find myself anywhere but rock bottom. They say this is the best time to do the thanking bit. And I do it with all my heart...which also has such nice feelings despite a whole year of setbacks. I was just listing out my bad days from the good - and did I tell you ever that 300 out of 365 were plain bad?! Shucks. To see what I've crossed gives me a new kind of strength - one that I didnt know I was capable of having. So that counts as a good thing, I suppose. The meaning of the 65 good days!

A whole lot of quite-titude (somehow solitude sounds so sad!) in 2008. A lot of putting on weight - I will need a double 2009 to get rid of it. 

Movies. Music. My Blog. 2008 saw it all.

Hopefully, my one sole wish for Christmas will be answered way past midnight now...when the Chennai Churches ring their bells to herald the Birth of the King. Time to focus. And decide what that one wish is gonna be...

Will update this post when it comes true. (see no Ifs and Buts in wishing, ok!) 

Merry Christmas.

Hard work

Writing is hard work. 

Good writing is a LOT of hard work.

Too serious Too cool

Now Dont ask me why I came up with the title. I just did. Now I have to find the text for it. It's one of those totally 'un-reasonable' things. Yes. Sometimes such thoughts, like that nagging aunt from nowhere, arrive without reason. Like some stupid song you would have heard on radio this morning, and it just stays. STAYS. Refuses to vanish no matter how much you force your cold ridden throat to hum your other favorite number. The one that enters without reason just stays. 

Thoughts...let's allow it to meander now.

Finding my foot I can say. In this whole new world. Now, this can be understood as a euphemism or as just a plain reference to a new phase of one's life. 

A lot of my sentences these days are beginning with Sometimes. Hmmm. 

And a lot of my reactions to what's happening around me is just...Hmmm. 

Sometimes (there I go!) the Hmmm-s precede or come along with a sigh. 

At others they just come out as they are. (Somehow that line makes me grimace - How could I do this, terrible!)

Ok, so what's the purpose of this post and why are we doing this at all? Does anything make a difference to anyone anymore? I know, I know the previous line was hugley over the top - but this is how I feel right now. Life goes on. Keeps going on. I dont remember the last time I laughed or cried and emptied my heart in the process. I dont recall ever having that wonderful 'connect' with a fellow human being, on the miracle of sharing space on the same planet. I have'nt in the recent past experienced kind-ness, like how I did when I was 7yrs old, when Sister Mona saw my hungry face and gave me three Marie biscuits during Interval (which is the break before lunch).

When the world is burning and nations are starving, how could you be so selfish and think about your own pitiable state? You may ask. 

But...somewhere it's MY world. It begins and ends with ME. 

Dont' make me out to be a monstor and you the angel. It is the same for you too. It's YOUR world. And the greatest love of all is....hey, Im sure you have heard the song! 

Preserve the Self and present it to the world. Im sure the rest will follow. This Im telling myself now, hoping my share of Marie biscuits will come to me sooner than later.

Cheers.

(hmmm... The post covers the too serious part...now what do we do with the too cool?) 

A Whole New World

What would happen if each day the world would just become anew? Of course that's just the way it IS - each day Nature ends and begins anew. Just look around at the little plants and the birds and bees in your balcony and you will find something new. No? Maybe it all lies in our eyes - in how we behold the magic of life! We are tuned to do so many things as a routine that we seldom see what's new, what's fresh and what's right in front of our eyes! Even the cells in our body renews itself and comes alive with each new morning - but can we say the same of our mind?

A single thought is enough to make or break our day. A single emotion does the winding up or winding down for us. How is it when we so boast of us being a superior race (and maybe this very minute one of us is using his/her strength to terrorise another in the name of a Fight for Freedom) that we become so fragile to a single thought/emotion? How is it that we fail to see the new-ness in each day and just decide to brood over what went and worry over what will come?

Why is it so difficult to let go and live well when it is seemingly so easy to hoard up and live with pain? An angry word, a thoughtless gesture, an act of ignorance are all so much more potent in its ability to hurt than deep setbacks or failure. And we are frail so we store these unhappy moments thinking that this world is the same as each day passes by. We fail to realise that the world is changing every minute and that every new day is just that - NEW. It's gonna bring its own moments but no, we will just sit with our yesterdays and tomorrows and forget that we have the ability to enjoy what's Today. What's with us NOW. Change is possibly the best thing on this planet. We can so resist it for eternity but bulldozing it's way right into your very sight is Change. Just Look.

And of course let me know what you think of this NEW 'Spotlight' on 'Su'!

"Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."

The Ever After....

I seriously dont know what to write but I know I want to write. If only wishes were horses...we actually dont have to Sigh, but we can actually fly! I know, I know its totally blauh, this line, but it is 16:38pm on a hot sunday afternoon and well, what else do you except?!!

Anyways, to mundane diary like things for a wee bit - Filmfare came and went. And with it was one magical moment too. Sometimes, we think it will happen to us. Sometimes we make it happen to us - the magic, magic! But there are other times, when it just whizzes past us when we are looking the other side, so we dont even know whether the spell was cast or not! Have you ever had such a moment before? Any of the above three, I mean.

The exact sensation of a 'magical moment' would go like this. The first realisation that strikes you is when the 'it' actually happens, TIME stops. The second realisation is even if there are 50 people around you, NOONE exists - in cinema parlance, the motion is called FREEZE. Everything moves in high speed - read slow motion (ha! What a paradox!) The third realisation is even you will be doing things on auto-control, as if someone else is controlling your actions & reactions from somewhere else - all senses except the eye-sight is focussed and helps you to move about doing whatever this force in control wants you to do at that exact moment. The fourth (if any) realisation is THE THING itself - the magic. And that is an indescribable moment. So will save it for you to savour it soon. And of course, the Sigh that follows will only mean one wants the moment to continue like a fairy tale - happily ever after...!

I've had some exceptional magical moments in my life - the trick I guess is to actually treat most moments as magical so our daily life seems exceptional! Lofty I know, but here's a quote from one of my favorite people and Internationally renowned cinematographer Santosh Sivan on how he sees his everyday life.

"I wake up in the morning and look at everything as if they are all new!"

Brilliant, just like his work. Escapist the cynic would say - but hey, its attitude that determines which side of the net we are playing on, right?! So, here's to more of new-ness, to positively good times and of course, lots of magical moments that will end in a happily ever after...! After all, Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty had it that way, so why not us, eh?!

Love

Sex in the City has its fans. That's just about what I can say for the movie itself! The theme of the film is of course LOVE - the leading lady, is seen writing a book with the same title. She goes through the ups and downs with this one emotion, and finally 'it all ends happily ever after!' But is it in reality, really so?

LOVE - the universal word encompasses God & Man, known & unknown in one breath! Religion teaches you to practice it. Life tells you to live it. This thing called Love is apparently easy to do, but inherently the most difficult feeling to live by too. I shall explain.

Love is one emotion that reaches to ALL but is sometimes so elusive to ONE. It is that one emotion that seems easy to give & take, but at times the most difficult to obtain. An emotion called Love, which is like the World itself - deep & wide, long & short - all at the sametime. Love is like Time - still & moving, and waiting to find YOU. And when it does, the joy it brings...! When it leaves the sorrow that chokes. Love is within us and outside of us - always around but never quite...there.

Otherwise how else can we explain terrorism, domestic violence, harsh quarrels, squabbles and tiffs...? Love both heals and hurts. It all depends on what side of Love you're on!

What is a...

Blog? A diary? A personal Notes to Me and the rest of my world? A medium to campaign for pet causes? A movement?
What is a blog anyway? Those who wish to share thoughts are welcome...as always!
Hmmm!

Vague

8:30pm. Home.

It's been awhile since Ive consciously skipped this hour at home. Now, that my sister and nephew are away in Singapore, the house is quiet. The city is warm. This is a vague hour. Taking each moment as it comes. Unsure sometimes, clear at times. The oscillation continues. There are so many things I can learn - driving, swimming, singing - all of which I had taken up at some point earlier, but gave up half way. Why? Hmmm. Plain lazy. Plain disdain. Slothful.

8:41pm. Obviously home.

I look fwd to watching Polish director Andrzej Wajda's classic Ashes and Diamonds. It has Zbigniew Cybulski's best performance I'm told. A post WW-II, B & W saga - and the very first shot of a man falling off a jeep, as a bullet hits him has me glued to the screen. I pause the film. Resume this post to end it.

Wish a morning dream to come true...Wish a good night's rest to all those who need it. I'm speaking like Gabriel, the angel! One whoosh of my wand and all things bright and beautiful will happen....WHOOSH!

Good night.

Change

The only constant in this world. As planet earth inches its way around the sun, each day is nothing but CHANGE. So, why am I resisting it so much? Why the many ifs and buts, hos and hums... I wonder and then come up with the answer. Because Im un-happy with the change... un-welcoming it. Im all 'Un' when I should just be... Let it be! Take a deep breath now, sporadic thoughts come and go. Actionless day. Mobile is free of messages. Of ringtones too. This silence is deafening. Peaceful? Dont know. Why this monologue as if the world stopped spinning now? Because...that 'extra zing', the 'special moment', the 'dhum' in each day is missing. From me? Yes. How do I get it back? Hmmm... Dont have answers to that one though. Do you?